


Beware Canadians Bearing Gifts

by hjea



Category: How I Met Your Mother
Genre: Canada, Coffee, Gen, Taking Over the World, Tim Hortons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-01
Updated: 2012-03-01
Packaged: 2017-10-31 23:41:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/349602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hjea/pseuds/hjea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Robin brings home some coffee to the gang from Canada. They really should have known better than to drink it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Beware Canadians Bearing Gifts

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted 01/12/09.

“Robin!”   
  
Robin smiled happily as she walked into MacLaren's and was enveloped by hugs all around.   
  
Lily squeezed into the booth and turned to her best friend. “How was your visit with your mom?”   
  
Robin rolled her eyes. “Well, there was the sitting around listening to the lectures about how, as an unemployed person in New York, I’m probably going to become a crack-whore squatting in a down-and-out slum in Alphabet City.”   
  
Puzzled looks shot from Ted to Marshall to Lily. Barney grinned appreciatively.    
  
“Yeah, my mum’s seen  _Rent_  waaaaaaay too many times.”   
  
There was general nodding.   
  
“But as I managed to sneak away and play shinny hockey for most of the visit, I’d say it was an all around win!”   
  
The gang cheered and ordered a round of beers from Wendy the waitress, happy to have their social circle back intact once again.   
  
They were about to get up and leave, when Robin suddenly flung her hands up. “Oh I almost forgot - I brought back presents for you guys.”   
  
Lily turned abruptly and clapped her hands eagerly. “Presents! For me?”   
  
“Ooh, me too, me too!” Marshall chanted, as Barney started up a chorus of “What’d I get? What’d I get? What’d I get?” Ted looked inquisitive. “It’s not more Robin Sparkles music videos, is it?”   
  
“No.” Robin glared at him. “It’s coffee.” And she reached into her bag and brought out four large tins.   
  
“Oh hey, coffee.” Lily said, with a strained kind of appreciation. “You know we have that here.” Ted pointed out, and Barney merely poked his tin with the tip of his pen and sniffed derisively. “ _Canadian_  coffee.”   
  
“Hey! This is Tim Horton’s coffee – it’s the hallmark of any coffee experience and…” Robin trailed off. “Yeah whatever, it was right beside the rink.”   
  
The gang shrugged and grinned, grabbed their respective coffee tins, and promptly decided to forget the whole thing.   
  
***   
  
A month later, Marshall stuck his head out of his kitchen. “Hey, baby?” He shouted towards the bathroom, “Where’s all the coffee?”   
  
Lily stuck her own head out of the bathroom door, dental floss nestled neatly between her incisors. “Shoot, I forgot to pick some up. Can’t you just buy a cup on the way to work?”   
  
Marshall scuffed his toe against the island, and tried to calculate the number of $3 dollar cups of coffee he could afford with the mortgage and his loans and their dept and…   
  
“-Hey what happened to the coffee Robin gave us?”   
  
Lily’s head appeared again, floss now snuggled between two molars. “The Canadian coffee?” She looked sceptical, “Uh… I think it’s below the sink, holding up the pipe.”   
  
“I’m sure it’ll be fine!” Marshall bent down and grabbed a tin. The pipe clunked to the floor. “I’ll fix that later!”   
  
In a rush, he hurriedly poured the coffee into the coffee maker, stuck his mug under the drip, and slapped a lid on before he could taste a sip. “Bye, baby!”   
  
“Bye, Marshmallow!” Lily echoed. She wandered into the kitchen and noticed the smell of coffee lingering in the air. There was still some waiting in the pot. Lily shrugged. “Might as well try it.”   
  
***   
  
“Okay so, Robin-“   
  
Startled, Robin lifted her head from the classifieds and saw Ted sitting opposite her in the booth.   
  
“Wait,” She looked around, “When did you get here?”   
  
Ted shook his head. “Doesn’t matter.” He plunked a travel mug down in front of himself. “About this coffee you brought back.”   
  
“Yeah?” Robin raised an eyebrow.   
  
“Yeah, I dunno. I just don’t think it’s up to the standards of  _New York_  coffee. I mean it’s fine – for a Canadian – but there’s just something missing that, as a New Yorker, I can’t help but notice-“   
  
“-Hmm.” Robin grabbed the mug and took a sip. “Try it double-double.”   
  
Ted blinked. “Huh?”   
  
“Two creams, two sugars.”   
  
“But that sounds disgust-“   
  
Before he could protest more, Robin had the lid off and was pouring two sugar packets and creams into the mug.   
  
Ted’s brow creased, “Where did you get-“   
  
“-Here.” Robin slid the mug back to him. “Try it.”   
  
Cautiously, Ted lifted the mug to his lips. He took a sip. His eyes widened.   
  
“I… have to go.”   
  
Robin smiled to herself, and went back to the classifieds.   
  
***   
  
“Robin, it is all over Goliath National Bank.” Marshall swung the door to the apartment open, Lily tagging closely behind, and Barney, eyes already rolling, behind her.   
  
From the couch, Robin tore her eyes away from The View and looked up. “Uhh… what is?”   
  
Ted walked out of his room and nodded at Marshall supportively, hair carefully arranged in his “confrontation” style.   
  
“That coffee!” Marshall sat in the chair facing Robin, jumped up again, and started pacing the floor behind the couch.   
  
“I made the mistake of sharing some of it at a board meeting, and now I’m being clamoured for it night and day. Night and day, Robin! The  _CEO_  is clamouring. Everyone wants some!”   
  
“Uh, nuh- _uh_ .” Barney rolled his eyes to impressive proportions. “Not everyone is being hood-winked by that second-class Canadian mock-up that maybe somewhat resembles a certain beverage.” He paused. “I for one, am not!” He added, as if to make that clear. “I mean, I might have tried a sip – just to confirm it – but I certainly wasn’t won over by any hot, caffeinated, addictive quality in that muck, and oh by the way, Ted can I check something in your kitchen?”   
  
Barney disappeared in one motion and was rifling through the cupboards desperately in the next. Ted raised his voice, “It’s too late, Barney, there’s none left.” His voice lowered bitterly. “I already checked.”   
  
Barney slumped in the kitchen’s doorway. “Damnit.”   
  
“Yeah, see what you’ve introduced, Robin?” Lily sat down and took Robin’s hands. “I didn’t want to blame you but… a parent had some at a parent-teacher meeting and now ALL the parents want some, and they’ve got their kids asking for it and this is all pretty much your fault!” Lily winced. “And I’ve got a massive headache from the caffeine withdrawal”   
  
Marshall, Ted and Barney all nodded and winced simultaneously.   
  
Robin shrugged from the couch. “Well I don’t know what you want me to do about it. Have you tried e-bay?”   
  
“Have we tried-“ Marshall scoffed, “Have we tried e-bay??” He took a breath. “I got into a bidding war with a Columbian farmer over the last can available and he won! A Columbian  _coffee_ farmer! He grows coffee for a living! Do you Canadians realize what you have done??”   
  
Robin blinked. “Uh… we’re sorry?”   
  
Lily turned to Robin again. “We’ve talked it over, and we’ve come to a decision. We didn’t want it to come to this but, well, there just isn’t anything else we can do. Robin…” Lily’s voice wobbled, “You have to take us to get coffee in Canada.”   
  
The gang stood holding their breaths.   
  
Robin smirked.   
  
“I’ll pack a bag.”


End file.
